Some days I struggle with my ability to write. And write well.
I know this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, but most days I suffer from the comparison trap. There are so many talented bloggers, writers and people out there, and I can't help but feel inadequate when compared to their way with words.
I'd give anything to be able to put pen to paper and just....let it flow.
Most of this stems from a lack of self confidence that has trailed behind me, much like a rain cloud, for most of my life.
Growing up, I've always felt less intelligent (or pretty or skinny) as my peers, and it's clearly something that's bothered me. I would compare grades, reports and GPAs with friends and classmates, and would always end up with an overall feeling of emptiness. Don't get me wrong, I earned good (okay, great) grades, but there would always someone who did better, and it would leave me unsatisfied at the end of each grading period (semester).
Now that I'm in my third year of college, I can't help but feel pressure to earn perfect grades, perfect the perfect story and just be perfect. I wish I were like some of my classmates who can bang out 'A' stories in a matter of an hour, but I'm not. I wish I could get my stories published as soon as I write my last word. I wish I were better.
I know I have a lot to learn in my final years at my university, but I just want to be perfect now.
I think I may need a pep-talk.